


Mostly Sweet, May Contain Nuts

by redredrobin



Category: Batman (Comics), DCU - Comicverse
Genre: Gen, Humor, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-22
Updated: 2012-08-22
Packaged: 2017-11-12 15:37:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/492842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redredrobin/pseuds/redredrobin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dick and Damian are enamoured of a small child, Bruce shames his taxonomy teacher, Cass is brilliant at Go Fish, and Tim probably inherits Jason's socks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mostly Sweet, May Contain Nuts

**1\. Day One**

Ironically, Tim had been the first to know. Though not because Steph told him - he’d just walked in on her attempting to style Jason’s hair one afternoon in the more deserted wing of Wayne Manor. Tim had opened his mouth to scream for backup, before he realised that a) Stephanie was alive, b) she had no broken bones, c) Jason was smiling, and d) _were they humming "I’m a Believer"?_

‘Hello Tim!’ said Stephanie.

‘Hey Replacement,’ said Jason.

‘Oh, uh, h-hi,’ said Tim. ‘Uhm - what the hell?’

Two weeks later and Tim was a) not in an alternate universe, b) not under the influence of any hallucinogenic agent known to man, and c) decidedly _not_ being punked, he decided to update the profiles he’d written on his webrings. _Thoroughly._

 

**2\. Daughter**

‘ _What_ ,’ said Jason, holding up a small, crying newborn, ‘is this, exactly?’

‘It’s our daughter,’ said Steph, smiling.

‘Is there an off-switch?’

‘The Bat-pacifier, maybe?’

Jason squinted, ‘There’s no - oh. Right. Whatever.’ He passed her the baby and watched her cradle it, growing more and more intrigued by the minute as the baby stopped crying.

Steph knew that expression of his. ‘No, we are _not_ making small leather jackets for all her toys. And we are _not_ making a matching red and black costume for her and calling her Hoodlum.’

Jason grinned wickedly.

 

**3\. Breakfast**

‘How’s breakfast coming along?’ asked Steph. Jason glared at her. ‘What did you expect?’

‘Don’t whine. There’s some Fruit Loops for you in the cupboard.’

‘That smells delicious,’ said Dick, who had wandered into the kitchen - still in his Nightwing costume sans mask. He high-fived Madeline, who had been gurgling happily in the baby seat, before sitting at the table. ‘Hey, could you pass me some of those?’

‘I didn’t come back from the dead to make you waffles,’ snapped Jason. He turned to Steph: ‘Fine, at least it’s not Alfred’s recipe.’

She gave him a quick peck on the cheek. ‘All right - I’ll make steak for dinner.’

Jason looked disgusted. ‘Nobody likes your steak.’

Steph pouted.

‘That crap made _me_ beg for mercy.’

She turned away from him and started heating up Madeline’s porridge.

‘I took over the entire east end drug trade.’

‘Uh-huh,’ she replied.

‘Yeah uhm. Just wanted to be clear how bad it is.’

She put the porridge on the table and started moving the dirty dishes into the sink. Jason was not going to get any further responses from her.

‘You’re a BABY!’ yelled Dick in the background, tickling Madeline.

Jason sighed heavily.

 

**4\. Dinner**

Damian hadn’t come to the house officially since the last family dinner (‘Todd, if she calls me Uncle Mimi one more time, I am going to make you _suffer_ ’), but Steph had, on more than one occasion, found him sheepishly playing Legos with Madeline at 5am after patrol. He still didn't come to the house. Not by the front door, anyway.

 

**5\. Grandpa**

Bruce was the last to accept Madeline - or so everyone thought. Jason had been playing a particularly vicious round of Go Fish with Tim and Cass (wherever Cass was involved, he made sure to carry an extra .22) when the alarm he’d placed in the nursery went off. They managed to get the live security feed with little difficulty and watched a dark figure hunched over the cot.

‘Zoom in and bring up the sound!’ Jason hissed. Tim obliged.

‘-- Baby Maddy Patty Izzums! Honeybunny-wunny _bun_ -kins!’ Bruce’s voice boomed throughout the Batcave.

Jason's palm met his face. ‘Oh _God_ ,’ he said. ‘Bruce-’

‘I know,’ said Tim grimly. ‘He’s completely lost the ability to distinguish between the plant and animal kingdoms. And that's not all... is he putting a Robin nightgown on the cot?’

‘We should write our wills,’ said Cass, always practical. They exchanged glances.

‘I’m not leaving anything to you,’ said Jason to Tim.

 

**6\. Babysitting**

Dick had been banned from babysitting after he'd broken the third coffee table playing Flying Grayson (Plus One!) so Steph had dialled Tim to come over and keep Jason company.

'Jason is perfectly capable of taking care of a toddler,' complained Tim.

'Oh yes he is,' said Steph, fiddling with her sandals. 'I caught him teaching Madeline how to build a sniper scope from the broken fax machine.'

'Right,' said Tim.

'Okay,' said Steph. 'Cass and I will be back in three hours. Everything you need is on the dining table. Oh, and Jay dear, remember to read her a story before bed - _not_ the one about how both her parents ended up punching Batman.'

Jason opened his mouth to speak. 'Or the one about how you beat Tim up and it was quote-unquote _awesome_ ,' Steph said, before he could say anything.

'Have fun at the movies.' Jason hugged her. 'Say bye to Mommy, Madeline.'

'Bye Mommy!'

'Goodbye darling,' Steph tickled Madeline. 'Bye Tim! Don't let him beat you up too much.'

She shut the door. Tim looked at Jason, then at Madeline, then back to Jason.

'Okay Madeline, Daddy and Uncle Tim are going to play Hide and Explode.' Jason held her up. 'Are you excited? Daddy's excited.'

'I don't like where this is going,' said Tim.

'Shut up, Replacement,' said Jason.


End file.
